Every weight loss strategy and lifestyle transformation has its pros and cons, but for them to really work and stick, you’ve got to get your mindset right. A lot of us try to lose weight with the worst state of mind possible: wanting to “fix” ourselves,  getting obsessed with quick results and quick fixes – losing sight of sustainability and being, well, happy. We spoke to Tiffiny Hall of TIFFXO, who told us that the best way to reset your mind about weight loss is to completely shift your focus away from weight loss. Sounds counterintuitive, right? So we asked her to explain why.

Focus on the fit

“The number on the scale is truly arbitrary,” Tiffiny says. “As you train, you will gain lean muscle and your body composition will change.” What does that mean? You may not lose weight on the scales, but you’ll definitely notice your clothes feeling looser and your body feeling stronger. “If you focus on achieving fitness goals instead of losing numbers, taking your mind off living for a number and instead living according to how you feel – you’ll end up feeling motivated, strong and empowered, rather than disheartened by a less than notable shift in the number on the scale,” Tiffiny reminds us.

Go and grab that scale

“Now throw it in the bin!” Tiffiny laughs. “Your weight will fluctuate more than the stock market and it doesn’t tell the whole story. A lot of us have learned to associate the scale with self-destructive thoughts and actions.” If that sounds like you, don’t even bother stepping on the scale until you get to a place mentally in which the number on the scale doesn’t define your worth. Until then, you have no need for them. “Unless you need a new door stopper. But, even then,” Tiffiny jokes.

Change your goals

Losing weight might be a result, but it shouldn’t be the goal. Rather, Tiffiny tells us, your goals should small, sustainable things over which you have full control – and that affect your overall health and wellbeing. “Did you eat five servings of fruits and veggies today? There’s one goal met. What about eight hours of sleep – did you get them in? If so, you can check another goal off of your list,” says Tiffiny.

Talk to yourself like you would a friend

When it comes to ideals of beauty and body image, we are incredibly tough on ourselves. The standards we adopt for ourselves are punishing, and we’d never hold our friends or loved ones to many of those standards. “You deserve the same respect and compassion as anyone else; treat yourself like it. Remember that you will have good days and bad days, and it’s important talk to yourself kindly everyday,” Tiffiny reminds us.

Give yourself permission to enjoy and love food

“Learn to indulge with moderation. Enjoy food mindfully, and with no guilt. Commit to eating well 80% of the time, and allow yourself to be naughty 20% of the time. Somewhere along the line, we’ve learned to feel either proud or guilty about every food choice we make. Give yourself permission to have a glass wine or a piece of chocolate cake. Food is not the enemy!” Tiffiny tells us.